A Matter of Perspective , available at: ForYourMarriage.org


Happily Even After

A Matter of Perspective


July 11, 2011

I think the older we get the more we realize that life is not entirely black and white.  In fact we are faced with a whole lot of grey situations.

Case in point: our recent Fourth of July family vacation.  A whole lot went wrong, but there sure were a lot of opportunities to look for what was going right.  Here are two ways of looking at each of our “unique opportunities.”

Perspective one: Smashing two totally different experiences (beach getaway and camping trip) into one outing is not a good idea.  Packing a family of five for BOTH a camping trip AND a beach vacation significantly pushes the limits of what our vehicle can comfortably accommodate.  There was no room to play with.  Also, when we were at the campsite we were annoyed by the beach toys we had packed; and when we were at the timeshare we were frustrated with the tents and sleeping bags that we no longer needed.

Perspective two: A coworker generously offered us two nights for our family at a timeshare on the Washington State coast.  We took the opportunity to tag on an extra night camping in a national forest we had been wanting to see.  We got to enjoy some of the great outdoors and then have two nights of a little luxury.

Perspective one: We went camping, had a microscopic campsite and it rained all night.

Perspective two: Even though we arrived at our campsite later in the evening, there was plenty of light and time to set up camp and take a walk on the nearby beach.  Oscar built one of the best campfires I have ever seen (and it may have been the very first time he has even tried).  I made two of the best s’mores I have ever eaten.  We all got ready for bed, snuggled in and zipped up before the rain started.  We were dry all night in our tents and the rain stopped in time for breakfast in the morning.

Perspective one: A deer tried to take out our car, leaving an enormous dent in the rear passenger door.

Perspective two: As we were entering a sleepy Washington coast town we got to see a little wild life up close and personally.  Unexpectedly, an otherwise docile deer walking along the side of the road, suddenly decided to try to jump through Simon’s door (we think it must have wanted his goldfish crackers).  It was pretty funny until we saw the damage when we got to the grocery store.  Then it was funny again after we took a toilet plunger to the dent and actually pulled almost the whole thing out.  Now THAT is a memory maker!

Perspective one: This is an icky tourist trap of a town with really dirty beaches, really bad traffic control, and far too much wind to be comfortable even when it is clear and sunny.

Perspective two: Our room is full of amazing luxuries, it is sunnier than it has been all summer, and our coworker and her family welcomed us with dinner and passes to the local heated pool.

Perspective one: Some vacation.  We are uncomfortable and fairly far from home.

Perspective two: We have great adventures together as a family even when we are uncomfortable and fairly far from home. Nothing says we have to stay in a less than ideal situation.  Let’s go home.

So that’s what we did.  We left a night early and got to see close to ten different fireworks shows as we drove through towns on the interstate.  It was magical.  At least from my perspective.  And sometimes that is all it takes in family life.  Same objective reality but a little shift in mindset and “profane” turns into “sacred.”

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Us, Together

Us, Together

For our 15th wedding anniversary, my wife took me mushroom hunting, and it was every bit as glamorous as you might imagine. We celebrated this milestone anniversary by getting away from home, leaving the kids and dog behind (thanks to Stacey’s parents), and heading into northern Michigan to a bed and breakfast at a winery. It was a beautiful and luxurious inn with gourmet breakfast offerings. We spent two nights away—it was a great vacation. The best part of the time away was simply having time alone together. It was about a 5-hour drive, and when we arrived, we had no one else to tend to—we could simply do whatever we wanted. Life in a family with children is ruled by a clock and routines—bedtime, lunchtime, bathtime, time to wake up, time to get ready for church, time to do homework, time for baseball practice, and on and on. It was a blessed vacation to simply step off the train that is the daily family routine. Which is perfect for an anniversary trip, right? No matter what the setting, we were glad to simply have time for each other. We talked and enjoyed good food and decent wine together, but most of all, we simply relaxed with one another. And in relaxing, we reconnected with who we are for each other, which was a lot of fun. This brings me back to the mushroom hunt. I found unending humor in pretending to be on an African safari hunting Morel mushrooms as our next big-game trophy. We had a terrible guide—the first thing she did wrong was to lead us into the woods downwind. She did nothing to help us prepare the correct camouflage, and I wore my hardwood pattern in a mixed pine habitat—I would have fit in better at a funeral. We were part of a group of 40 foodies making a racket like a New Orleans trumpet parade as we tromped through the woods. And the greenhorns wonder why they didn’t find anything! Stacey and I were lucky enough to happen upon 4 or 5 false Morels, which are poisonous to some people, we were told. We didn’t wait to find out, though—we were carrying clubs and dispatched them before they could make a move. They were nestled in a small ditch and we pounded them into a fine puree before they even knew we were upon them. Poor devils would have been fit for cream of mushroom soup if they weren’t so dangerous. In actuality, it had been too dry for mushrooms. A few others had found false Morels, but no true Morels were discovered (though I still think they were just the more clever species and had sensed our approach—truly a magnificent fungus!). The hunt was to be followed by a 5-course, wine-paired dinner, in which each plate contained Morels, but the kitchen staff had mushrooms shipped in as a contingency, so the dinner went off fine. We laughed a lot in those three days, which was good to do because it reminded us of what it is that has made “us” work for the past 15 years. The vacation let us step away from the house, the car, the job, even the kids, so that one thing could stand alone and be appreciated: us, together. That’s how it all started, and that’s what continues to make it all tick.  

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