Basketball and the Grace of Marriage, available at: ForYourMarriage.org


Happily Even After

Basketball and the Grace of Marriage

by Stacey Noem


June 7, 2010

Joshua and I are both basketball players.  Among other things.  It may sound weird to say as 30-somthings, but it is a real part of each of our identities and it actually played a fairly significant role in our getting to know one another early in our relationship.

See, we were both high school basketball players on highly successful teams.  I hate to have to actually go here, but for the sake of completeness:  Josh’s high school team was state champion in South Dakota for years and years in a row.  My high school team played in the final four in Florida 2 out of my 4 years.  My junior year we played for the championship.

Now, here is the first insight into Joshua and me.  His team won the championship game and my team came in second.  Don’t think that EVER escapes mentioning in our household.  Also, of note, is that his team was first in SOUTH DAKOTA.  They only have one Congressional Representative!  Not a big pool of competition if you know what I mean.  My team came in second in the hugely populous state of Florida.  Not too shabby and I think those two facts together even the playing field, so to speak. 

We were both role players on teams that functioned as strong units.  I think that has all kind of impact on how we can be so different and still able to work so well together.  We get the concept of team.  We get what it means to work hard everyday so that we have what it takes in crunch time.

I mentioned this played a fairly significant role in getting to know each other.  Well, Joshua and I had two classes together our freshman year of college.  One huge chemistry class and one very intimate seminar.  We took advantage of the opportunity to “study together” for the chemistry class, but also started meeting to play basketball together early in the mornings before seminar.  1-on-1 at 8am. 

It is a complete testament to how interested in Joshua I was that I woke up that early, walked all the way across campus and played 1-on-1 of all things. 

I was basically a pretty shy girl when it came to basketball.  I loved the team aspect and giving it everything I had, but I was never a 1-on-1 kind of girl, much to my sweet father’s chagrin.  But for these morning outings, I dug deep and did my best.

Which makes me think back to the night before our wedding.  We had a priest say a vigil mass just for the two of us.  He mentioned in his homily that we should be on the look out for special graces that come to us through the Sacrament of Marriage.  Special gifts that God gives us along with the gift of grace and one another.

I have thought of that from time to time over the years, and it is only in the last several months that I realize what one of the graces of my marriage has been for me as an individual.  I think it started back on those mornings we were playing 1-on-1.  My grace is confidence.

I have become a much more confident person through my relationship with Joshua.  I project an image of confidence that did not exist in me prior to our relationship.  I would NOT have stepped on a court to play head to head with someone before I met him, and certainly not against a boy.  But with Joshua, and for Joshua, I did.

Reader Comments (2)

  • June 14, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    Hi guys! I am engaged so I’ve been checking out this website, and I was so surprised to see you on it! I am a second year JV in Missoula and I heard you speak at orientation this past year. I’m engaged to one of my housemates that I met during my first year of JVC in Spokane. We’re getting married this summer. I was encouraged to hear that you had a non-traditional marriage timeline. I’ve heard plenty of “I can’t believe you are getting married right after JVC!” I’m curious if you thinking being JVs together impacted your marriage.
    Jackie

    jedeve
    • June 17, 2010 at 5:39 pm

      Hi Jackie,
      Congratulations on your engagement! Joshua and I DID find our time with JVC particularly formative as a couple. Generally speaking, post-graduate service is some of the only “lay formation” available outside a degree program. For us specifically, being from completely different types of families and completely different regions of the country, our JV experience helped us to be shaped in the same values and share an intensely formative experience. Our shared life in community made the experience of starting our own household pretty easy and very “intentional” as you can imagine :-)

      Stacey

Leave a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Us, Together

Us, Together

For our 15th wedding anniversary, my wife took me mushroom hunting, and it was every bit as glamorous as you might imagine. We celebrated this milestone anniversary by getting away from home, leaving the kids and dog behind (thanks to Stacey’s parents), and heading into northern Michigan to a bed and breakfast at a winery. It was a beautiful and luxurious inn with gourmet breakfast offerings. We spent two nights away—it was a great vacation. The best part of the time away was simply having time alone together. It was about a 5-hour drive, and when we arrived, we had no one else to tend to—we could simply do whatever we wanted. Life in a family with children is ruled by a clock and routines—bedtime, lunchtime, bathtime, time to wake up, time to get ready for church, time to do homework, time for baseball practice, and on and on. It was a blessed vacation to simply step off the train that is the daily family routine. Which is perfect for an anniversary trip, right? No matter what the setting, we were glad to simply have time for each other. We talked and enjoyed good food and decent wine together, but most of all, we simply relaxed with one another. And in relaxing, we reconnected with who we are for each other, which was a lot of fun. This brings me back to the mushroom hunt. I found unending humor in pretending to be on an African safari hunting Morel mushrooms as our next big-game trophy. We had a terrible guide—the first thing she did wrong was to lead us into the woods downwind. She did nothing to help us prepare the correct camouflage, and I wore my hardwood pattern in a mixed pine habitat—I would have fit in better at a funeral. We were part of a group of 40 foodies making a racket like a New Orleans trumpet parade as we tromped through the woods. And the greenhorns wonder why they didn’t find anything! Stacey and I were lucky enough to happen upon 4 or 5 false Morels, which are poisonous to some people, we were told. We didn’t wait to find out, though—we were carrying clubs and dispatched them before they could make a move. They were nestled in a small ditch and we pounded them into a fine puree before they even knew we were upon them. Poor devils would have been fit for cream of mushroom soup if they weren’t so dangerous. In actuality, it had been too dry for mushrooms. A few others had found false Morels, but no true Morels were discovered (though I still think they were just the more clever species and had sensed our approach—truly a magnificent fungus!). The hunt was to be followed by a 5-course, wine-paired dinner, in which each plate contained Morels, but the kitchen staff had mushrooms shipped in as a contingency, so the dinner went off fine. We laughed a lot in those three days, which was good to do because it reminded us of what it is that has made “us” work for the past 15 years. The vacation let us step away from the house, the car, the job, even the kids, so that one thing could stand alone and be appreciated: us, together. That’s how it all started, and that’s what continues to make it all tick.  


More For Your Marriage

Throughout www.foryourmarriage.org, links to other websites are provided solely for the user’s convenience.
USCCB assumes no responsibility for these websites, their content, or their sponsoring organizations.

Copyright © 2013, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. All rights reserved.
3211 4th Street, N.E., Washington DC 20017-1194, (202) 541-3000 © USCCB.

Basketball and the Grace of Marriage, available at: ForYourMarriage.org
Permalink: http://www.foryourmarriage.org/change-change-change/