Learning To Say I Do
Blessed Holy Week!
Sara: The other day, I was looking through some old pictures. I stumbled across some from five years ago, from my college days. I couldn’t help but be struck by how joyful I looked. As I reflected upon those “simpler” times, I realized unbeknownst to me, those pictures captured me living out my vocation at that time. Five years ago, I was meant to be finishing my college degree and striving towards a deeper relationship with God. I was so joyful because I was doing exactly what God was calling me to do.
The specific picture that struck me was friends and I praying at a local outdoor Stations of the Cross. Each station had about a five to ten minute hike each way, so by the end of the fourteenth station, our group was pretty tired. However, this particular picture showed me walking on a fallen tree trunk crossing a small creek. This seemed particularly timely, as sometimes it feels like I’m walking on a fallen tree trunk over a small creek, heading into the unknown.
There are so many good things about pregnancy, and Justin and I are so excited to soon have our child out of the womb. However, this parenting business is SCARY. How will we live up to the responsibilities God has placed before us?
The further along we get in our pregnancy, the more I realize there’s lots of questions to discern. One of these questions includes how much I should work outside the home after baby is born. After we got married, and when we went to buy our house, we purposely budgeted simply on Justin’s salary. Financially, we wanted to be in a place where I could stay home with our child if we so desired. However, there’s not a lot of wiggle room in the budget for savings or extras, so bringing in some income would be very nice.
Sometimes, I also let myself get anxious about other things, such as how we will raise our child in our faith. And will I be able to breastfeed our child as we desire?
I also feel badly because Justin and I have decided not to attend the Triduum services this year. I’m finding it difficult to be prayerful throughout all of Sunday Mass these days. Both standing and kneeling are hard on me (along with the later nights that can accompany the Triduum services). In fact, on Palm Sunday I wasn’t able to stand up for the entire Gospel. In spite of not attending Triduum services, we’ve decided to do our best to have extra prayer time during this holiest of holy weeks.
I have to remember my vocation now is as a mother. With a child, it’s not going to be as simple to place emphasis on my prayer life and time with God. I’ll have to learn as I go the best way to continue a good prayer life and still be a good mother.
At times when I am anxious, I look at our crucifix and it puts it all into perspective. Like Martha (in Luke 10:41), I’m anxious and worried about many things, but only one is necessary – sharing our Easter joy.
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