Timothy: “I do and I do and I do for you kids, but do you appreciate it? No!” I don’t have children to say that to like our parents did. But why let a good rant go to waste? Use it on your wife!
Donna: A couple days after Christmas a few years ago I sat pouting in our living room. I was really upset with Tim and feeling very put out. There had been something I had wanted him to do a few days earlier to help me in getting ready for the big family Christmas we were hosting, and he just didn’t meet my expectations. It didn’t help that I never told him exactly what I expected.
I sat there so focused, no, fixated, on what he did not do. Because of that, I didn’t see everything he did do. He was hurt by that. In fact, when he started listing everything he had done, I had to hang my head in shame. He ran circles around me in what he had accomplished for our party.
For couples dealing with infertility, it is so easy to fall into that same trap, to focus on what we don’t have or can’t do. We don’t have a positive test result. We can’t share the exciting news of our expectancy. We don’t have a growing belly or growing family. We don’t have little ones to call us mom and dad.
We don’t. We don’t. We don’t.
Wait. What is it we do have?
The top of that list should be each other. Fifteen years ago we made a vow to each other, before God and our families, that we would love, honor and cherish each other, in good times and bad. It wasn’t just if and when we had children, but always and all ways.
I am married to a man who wants the best for me. He wants me to get to heaven. He wants me to live in the love of God with joy. I want the same for him.
What else do we have? We have our family and friends. We have our adventurous spirit and our appreciation for the little things. We have a love of nature, good beer and great literature.
We have a life we make together.
Timothy: “I do” and “I do” and “I do” were the words I said on our wedding day. I do take you to have and to hold. I do love and cherish you. I do, even if you don’t notice how long I spend untangling those blessed Christmas lights!
What I do have is a wonder and a joy. I do need to remember that.