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For Your Marriage

Sarah married her best friend Daniel in 2009. Each month she shares about their life filled with faith and family.

Living in Different Time Zones

I was just looking at the “Do you operate in different marital time zones?” quiz on, and it got me thinking, although not exactly about the content of the quiz itself. My thoughts took a different direction.

Here we go: I get grumpy when Daniel falls asleep when we are “supposed to be” spending time together; this grumpiness ranges from annoyance to full-out anger, depending on the mood I was already in. I don’t know why—I guess it’s because when he falls asleep I feel like he is leaving me alone or something.

In any event, in our current situation Daniel is living with his parents about forty-five minutes away from our house and spends the weekends with me. While he is here, he sleeps over at my parents’ house a few minutes down the road, and we usually stay up late spending time together before he drives over there. The problem is that Daniel is a morning person and I am a night person—and I’m not sure whether this issue will be eased or exacerbated once we are married and living together.

Here is a typical scenario: It is a Friday or Saturday night and Daniel and I are reading, watching a movie, or working on a project together, etc. Somewhere between nine and eleven o’clock, Daniel will start to get tired and often fall asleep if he is sitting on the couch. If he doesn’t fall asleep, he will get continually more tired and grumpy as the minutes pass by.

Then, there are usually various things that have to be done at the end of the day, whether it’s loading the dishwasher, straightening the living room, or locking up the shed. I may get up and start doing some of these things with Daniel already asleep on the couch, but if he is still awake he may do them while I go and get ready for bed, to save time. By the time I’m finished and ready to pray together, which we always do before he leaves, I have to wake him up. This is usually not an easy task, and it puts both of us in a bad mood if we are not careful.

The next morning, if it is a Saturday, Daniel usually wakes up at my parents’ house and drives back over to our house before I am awake. He is sometimes frustrated by how long it takes me to get out of bed once he gets there, but he is almost always nice about it, sometimes even making coffee and breakfast for when I finally manage to get my feet on the floor (a terrible battle I am forced to fight every single morning).

Does anyone have a similar situation and have suggestions for how Daniel and I can start to live in the same “time zone” once we get married? Or is this just an inevitable struggle that we’ll have to live with? Oh well, I guess there are certainly worse problems we could have.

In other news: as I am writing this, on Thursday, there are exactly 100 days left until the wedding!! I also booked a deejay this morning—it felt great crossing that one off my list! Have a good weekend, everyone.