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My Catholic Marriage


April 16, 2010

Is it just me, or has “comfortable” has gotten a bad rap these days?  I happen to be a big fan of teen country singing sensation Taylor Swift, but in the song “The Way I Loved You” on her most recent CD, the fact that she uses “comfortable” as a bad thing bugs me, even if it is one of my favorite songs on the CD to sing along with.  Okay, maybe she doesn’t use it as a bad thing, but she at least uses it as a “not good enough” thing.  She may be “comfortable” with this new guy that she is dating, but what she really wants is what she doesn’t have anymore; she misses being “so in love that you act insane.”

I don’t know about you, but I think being comfortable is pretty awesome—and I’d rather not be in the kind of love in which screaming and fighting and cursing is somehow a good thing.  I won’t blame Taylor for missing kissing in the rain, though.  That’s pretty fun… I wonder, though, whether she was under an umbrella.  I like the umbrella variety myself, but either way makes for an awfully romantic picture.  That’s why so many movies end with a scene like that.

Anyways, comfortable is changing out of high heels and pantyhose and into pajama pants and slippers at the end of a long day, or even better, having someone rub your feet before the slippers go on.  Comfortable is sipping a cool drink while lounging on the beach with a gentle breeze blowing salty air in your face.  Comfortable is enjoying a family dinner when everyone happens to be in a good mood and your mom happened to cook your favorite childhood meal, or falling asleep to the sound of steady rain on the roof, or waking up to the sunshine on a Saturday morning, feeling perfectly well-rested and knowing that you don’t really have to get up anytime soon unless you want to.

Roller coasters may be a lot of fun, but there is a reason that at the end of a day spent running around an amusement park you are exhausted.  And when you finally make it home and see your bed waiting for you, whether made or unmade, it looks pretty darn close to heaven on earth.  Taylor Swift calls the way she loved whoever it was a “roller coaster kind of rush.”  I’ve always loved roller coasters, but I think that we all can only take so much.  Maybe that’s why Taylor’s relationship ended in the first place.

I am proud to say that my relationship with Daniel is comfortable.  We fight sometimes, but we don’t scream at each other.  We may feel frustrated or hurt, but we don’t ever feel afraid that the other might leave.  I know that even when I’m looking the exact opposite of my best, Daniel will still love me and think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world.  I know that I can tell him anything and everything I’m thinking and he will listen and understand me.  I may not feel the “butterflies” of a crush or a new relationship, but as far as I’m concerned that’s a good thing.  Daniel can still send chills down my spine, and there are times when I feel so much love for him that it makes me want to cry.  If my heart pounds, it’s not because of nerves. 

Comfortable is taking a walk and holding hands with the one you love and not having to worry about sweaty palms… unless of course it’s just that ridiculously hot outside.  To use Taylor’s words again, “he’s charming and endearing and I’m comfortable.”  And I love it.

Reader Comments (2)

  • Hi Sarah,
    Although I agree with where you end up that being in a relationship that is comfortable is what we *should* want and will ultimately make us more happy in the long run I think to dismiss the appeal of the rush of an unpredictable or unrequited “love”. In JPII’s _Love and Responsibility_ one of my favorite off-hand remarks is how difficult unrequited love is… “as everyone knows” says JPII. I love that perhaps the Pope had an unrequited love… that conjecture aside I know that there is a deep appeal to the adventure that the tumultuous relationship seems to offer. The ache for a love that is adventurous and hungry for the MORE of life is what I think fuels the distaste for “comfortable”. Many equate comfortable with “boring.” I hope as Catholics who live the real adventure of life in Christ we can illuminate that a rollercoaster ride is what is in store for couples who are comfortable too.

  • Well said. I definitely prefer comfortable over the roller coaster ride!! I think that when God is the center of your marriage he brings a certain peace to it and that makes it comfortable! The problem with society is that, in general, people are looking for what’s missing in their lives in other people and not God, who is the only one that can fill that void! When you stop looking elsewhere you find comfort in his loving arms. God Bless you, Daniel and that precious baby that is on it’s way!

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Sarah and Daniel

Sarah and Daniel

Sarah H., 25, has a bachelor of arts degree in Communication Studies and a passion for communicating her Catholic faith, especially with youth. On May 16, 2009 she married her best friend, Daniel. Faith and Family are the two most important things in her life, and she wouldn’t trade either for the world.


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