“It may be said that we choose our friends but we do not choose our family,” the bishops note. People may think that “in good times or bad, in sickness or health, in prosperity or poverty, in life or in death our family members are who they are. They simply are God’s gift to us.”

Today, however, “perhaps more than ever before, we must choose to be a family,” the bishops state. After all, many forces in society “propel us toward individualism, toward self-centeredness in our consumption of goods, our search for personal power, our thirst for pleasure.”

In this cultural context, they stress, the need grows “to choose to be a family, to live as a family.”

The bishops cite additional realities of life that “make even more pressing our need to choose to make family central to our lives.” For example, there are the realities “of a fast-paced life (perhaps too fast paced), of mobility, vastly increased technology, having to travel to faraway places for study, employment or career.”

The Manitoba bishops developed their pastoral letter for the first National Week for Life and the Family, an initiative of the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops. The CCCB proposed that the week be observed May 12-19, and each diocese decides whether and how to do so.

“Life has become more complex for the family,” the Manitoba bishops comment. “Often both mother and father work outside the home in order to provide for the family.” It thus “becomes more challenging to maintain the strong and close relationships which family life demands.”

The bishops challenge readers of the pastoral letter to consider “how difficult it is for most families just to have all members sharing a meal around the same table at the same time — sharing those precious daily conversations that create bonds and heal hearts.”

Family Sizes and Shapes

Families come “in all shapes and sizes,” Manitoba’s bishops observe. There “are many families led by a single parent” and “families in which grandparents play a major role in raising the children, so often providing babysitting.” There also “are blended families in which parents and children, often hurt by separation, divorce or death, desire to love again and so endeavor to welcome and adjust to new relationships.”

The bishops note that “some families are small, and some are large.” The members of some families “live close by,” while for other families “they may live far away.”

But the family, the bishops insist, “whatever the form, whatever the reality across generations, is the principal place in which God’s love reaches us, surrounds, nurtures and supports us, and empowers us to share God’s greatest gift — life itself.”

The bishops explain, however, that in wanting families to be “the place where life is welcomed and nurtured,” God “asks that we not simply be numbered as a member of a family.”

Instead, their pastoral letter considers it essential “that we choose emphatically and repeatedly to live as a family – a family marked by respect, mutual support and encouragement, happiness and laughter, healing and forgiveness, patience and hope.”

Among their recommendations, the bishops ask families to:

•  “See and acknowledge with gratitude all that is good, all that lends strength, all that gives and nurtures life within your family whatever its shape or form.”

•  “Recognize what each member brings to the whole family.”

•  “Say thank you to each other and to God.”

•  Seek ways together “to grow as a family in all that is good and holy, in all that is life.”

•  “Together seek ways to grow in communication, in attention to one another,” as a means of fostering “the joy, peace and hope of all.”

 Bishops of Alberta

In March the bishops of the Alberta province also released a message for the Canadian church’s National Week for Life and the Family. They viewed the week as an opportunity both “to celebrate the beauty of life, marriage and family, and to offer assistance in understanding and addressing the difficulties families face.”

Many families “are struggling or even broken,” Alberta’s bishops noted. To them, they said, “we express in a particular way our closeness and support.”

Current pressures on families “are enormous” and include “busyness, financial constraint, unemployment or underemployment, addictions and separation from extended family or other support networks,” the bishops wrote.

Moreover, they continued, “individualistic and self-centered currents of modern society undermine the virtues of fortitude, self-sacrifice, commitment and hope that enable marriage and family to remain strong and flourish.”

In light of this, the bishops said the church wants “to draw near” to families that struggle, bringing a message of hope and offering “the services provided by its agencies of social outreach.”

At times, I also find it difficult to invite friends over as it’s nearly impossible to keep our house picked up and cleaned up with Gus. Even when I do manage to put everything in its place, many times it only takes ten minutes for Gus to pull out all of his toys, make handprints on our windows, or throw his Cheerios on the ground.

Then, a couple weeks ago, one of Justin’s friends called and said he was passing through in thirty minutes and asked if he could stop and see us. Justin said sure and called to tell me to set an extra plate for dinner. At first, I was a little frustrated with the situation. I was in the middle of making dinner, so my kitchen was incredibly dirty, Gus needed to be changed, and the living room needed a major cleanup. I hurried to get the house and ourselves as presentable as possible, which included shutting the bedroom doors. After our friend arrived, I realized the craziness of my mission. He hadn’t come to see how clean our house was. Our friend came to see Justin, Gus, and me.

After our friend left, Justin and I discussed how good it had been for the two of us to have some outside company. We truly enjoyed the opportunity to see and hear about the world farther than our four walls. Our friend was really able to encourage us in our mission with a family. Justin and I realized it’s not good for us to only talk to each other. I can tell a difference when I spend time with friends – I just feel better! While it’s good to have some internet relationships, there’s just something about sitting down for dinner together that helps good conversation flow.

Justin and I have decided that as Gus grows up we want our house to be the “fun” house. We want Gus and his friends to want to come over to our house to play so we can know Gus’ friends. We want to eventually get a swing set so Gus and his friends will enjoy playing in our yard and we want to budget extra money for snacks for Gus and his friends. We feel it’s good to both know Gus’ friends and to show them our relationship with Jesus. However, if I want to be the “fun” house, I need to get over the fact that people might see my messy kitchen, the laundry unfolded, or our rubber tubs lining the fireplace so Gus doesn’t bump his head.

And if I need to get over these things eventually, I might as well begin now. During the summer, Justin and I have decided to invite someone or a family that we’d like to get to know better over to dinner once a week. It’s time to stop using excuses of my dirty house (which probably won’t be as clean as what I would like for at least eighteen years when Gus leaves the house) and just start inviting people over. We’ve been saying for too long that we’d like to have these people over and it never happens. So we have decided to begin now.

We celebrated this milestone anniversary by getting away from home, leaving the kids and dog behind (thanks to Stacey’s parents), and heading into northern Michigan to a bed and breakfast at a winery. It was a beautiful and luxurious inn with gourmet breakfast offerings. We spent two nights away—it was a great vacation.

The best part of the time away was simply having time alone together. It was about a 5-hour drive, and when we arrived, we had no one else to tend to—we could simply do whatever we wanted. Life in a family with children is ruled by a clock and routines—bedtime, lunchtime, bathtime, time to wake up, time to get ready for church, time to do homework, time for baseball practice, and on and on. It was a blessed vacation to simply step off the train that is the daily family routine.

Which is perfect for an anniversary trip, right? No matter what the setting, we were glad to simply have time for each other. We talked and enjoyed good food and decent wine together, but most of all, we simply relaxed with one another. And in relaxing, we reconnected with who we are for each other, which was a lot of fun.

This brings me back to the mushroom hunt.

I found unending humor in pretending to be on an African safari hunting Morel mushrooms as our next big-game trophy. We had a terrible guide—the first thing she did wrong was to lead us into the woods downwind. She did nothing to help us prepare the correct camouflage, and I wore my hardwood pattern in a mixed pine habitat—I would have fit in better at a funeral. We were part of a group of 40 foodies making a racket like a New Orleans trumpet parade as we tromped through the woods. And the greenhorns wonder why they didn’t find anything!

Stacey and I were lucky enough to happen upon 4 or 5 false Morels, which are poisonous to some people, we were told. We didn’t wait to find out, though—we were carrying clubs and dispatched them before they could make a move. They were nestled in a small ditch and we pounded them into a fine puree before they even knew we were upon them. Poor devils would have been fit for cream of mushroom soup if they weren’t so dangerous.

In actuality, it had been too dry for mushrooms. A few others had found false Morels, but no true Morels were discovered (though I still think they were just the more clever species and had sensed our approach—truly a magnificent fungus!).

The hunt was to be followed by a 5-course, wine-paired dinner, in which each plate contained Morels, but the kitchen staff had mushrooms shipped in as a contingency, so the dinner went off fine.

We laughed a lot in those three days, which was good to do because it reminded us of what it is that has made “us” work for the past 15 years. The vacation let us step away from the house, the car, the job, even the kids, so that one thing could stand alone and be appreciated: us, together. That’s how it all started, and that’s what continues to make it all tick.

The only companions I recall from the days of my own pregnancies were my husband, a woman friend a couple years older and a book about the Lamaze method of childbirth. Sarah Reinhard is a companion I would have appreciated.

One of my mother’s companions in spirit was St. Gerard Majella and the small St Gerard Bulletin that came regularly in the mail. Seeing St. Gerard commended in Sara Reinhard’s first chapter tells me that my mother also might have appreciated this book.

But how, you might wonder, can a book serve as a companion? It is not the book so much as its wisdom and, especially, companions in faith whose affiliation the author encourages. The principal companions are Mary, mother of Jesus, and Christ himself.

Reinhard also reminds us of relevant biblical figures and saints who can accompany women on the way through pregnancy and childbirth, and she introduces contemporary women who share their own pregnancy-related stories.

Chapters follow a pattern. The book’s first section follows the typical weeks from conception to full term plus a couple weeks for a late birth. Chapters begin with a description of what likely is happening in the mother’s and baby’s bodies.

Some chapters open with a bonus “feature” before the usual pattern ensues. Most of the features deal with a pregnancy-related challenge. It might have to do with when to share the news of pregnancy or learn the baby’s gender, or how much baby clothes and equipment to acquire.

Or the feature might concern an unplanned pregnancy, miscarriage or complicated labor. Some features are written by women who have dealt with the challenge, giving the reader a viewpoint that Reinhard apparently cannot.

After the feature, if there is one, and comments on physical development, the author suggests how the expectant mother can walk with Mary. Reinhard offers a short reflection on a mystery of the rosary and through the course of Part One’s 40 chapters, goes through each mystery twice. These are down-to-earth reflections that anyone familiar with pregnancy can relate to.

A piece on the Visitation, for example, paints a picture women can well imagine: “Serving isn’t easy when you don’t feel well. … (Mary) might have been throwing up every few hours . … She might have just longed for a nap. Elizabeth probably knew this and more than likely encouraged Mary to rest. But I don’t think Mary made the arduous journey there and back only to let Elizabeth coddle her.”

After the reflection there are a few paragraphs, called “One Small Step,” that encourage the reader to try a simple faith practice.

Then a “Faith Focus” explains an element of Catholic belief that connects with the chapter theme. Each chapter ending is a conversation-with-God type of prayer.

Parts Two and Three are shorter and are set up a little differently than Part One. Part Two deals with labor and delivery, which Reinhard compares to a marathon. After noting that mental, physical and spiritual preparation is very valuable, she makes recommendations, including full chapters on spiritual practices for both labor and birth.

Her tips and strategies for the culminating events of pregnancy are practical. Not many authors are as honest as this one, who admits: “Newborns are a love-hate situation for me. I love nursing and feeling their small weight against me, but I hate the never-ending demands and the loss of brainpower that inevitably results from dealing with a small person who is more narcissistic than me. It’s not that the newborn can help it, I know, but it’s more a reminder of my many flaws as a person.”

The third and final part of the book focuses on baptism. Here, walking with Mary is to baptism and beyond. This chapter provides a short overview of the sacrament, offers good tips on preparing for and celebrating baptism, and recommends “tools” for passing on the faith to one’s child.

Sarah Reinhard was baptized a Catholic as an adult. It is obvious from her book that she loves her faith and has a healthy spirituality. She has a husband and three children but manages to make time to write articles and a blog, contribute to Catholic websites, produce podcasts and volunteer for her parish. This book is the first in a CatholicMom.com series.

When your mother and I got married, we used the standard vows right out of the book. I did not even know what my promises would be until the priest read them to me at the rehearsal. Just in case you have not read ahead, they go like this:

“I, David, take you, Lisa, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”

No trick phrases. No hidden clauses. These vows are simple enough for Forrest Gump.

“I take you to be my wife,” is a very vague job description. Who will cook? Who will clean? Fix the car? Mow the lawn? Change the diapers? Different couples work it out different ways. It is not about who does what. The important thing is with whom you do it.

In the Song of Songs, the groom says, “There are sixty queens, eighty concubines, and maidens without number. One alone is my dove, my perfect one.” (Songs 6:8-9) There are beauty queens, video stars, and girls everywhere you look. This vow says, “Of all the girls, in all the world, you are the one for me. I take you”

“I promise to be true.” No cheating. No fooling around. Enough said.

“I will love you.” Do not confuse romance with love. Romance is an unreliable feeling that incites romantic notions such as, “I will climb the highest mountain for you. I will fight dragons for you. I will die for you.” Real life poses a different challenge:

You are sitting on the couch, watching TV, and go looking for a snack during a commercial. You find some apples in the refrigerator and pick out a good one. Then you call, “Lisa, do you want an apple?” “Sure, Dave. Thanks.” But there is no second apple that looks good. Heading back to the couch, you ponder which apple to give her. Romance says, “I will die for you.” Real life asks, “Are you going to give her the good apple?” Love says, “Yes, give her the best.”

“I will honor you.” This was the surprise vow for me. I did not expect to make a promise to honor her. But I gave it a try, and it worked out well. I stopped teasing her and made it a habit to defend her and take her side when friends or family wanted to pick on her.

Honor is the most unappreciated vow. Some husbands make jokes about their wives, with little put-downs that are supposed to be funny. These are bad jokes. They cut, they wound, and they destroy trust. A marriage can die the death of a thousand tiny cuts. Avoid negative humor. It is not funny.

Honor is about respect. Treat her like a queen. Make your children respect their mother. Don’t let anyone put her down. She is your lady, and your lady always gets treated with respect.

God bless you, Dave.

Love,

Dad

Mothers fulfill a vital role by helping children “look realistically at life’s problems,” without getting “lost in them,” the pope said. A mother helps her children “to tackle” problems courageously and to become strong enough to overcome the problems they inevitably confront.

Of course, in this role a mother walks a fine line, seeking a “healthy balance” for a child, Pope Francis said. That means a mother “does not always take the child along the safe road, because in that way the child cannot develop, but neither does she leave the child only on the risky path, because that is dangerous.”

A mother, said the pope, “knows how to balance things.”

Pope Francis talked about mothers’ roles during a May 4 visit to the Basilica of St. Mary Major, the oldest church in the West dedicated to Jesus’ mother. May is observed in the church as a month of Mary.

During his visit Pope Francis accented Mary’s motherhood. In her own life, Mary “saw many difficult moments,” he noted. And “like a good mother she is close to us, so that we may never lose courage before the adversities of life” and “might feel her support in facing and overcoming the difficulties of our human and Christian journey.”

But while Mary’s motherhood was central in the talk Pope Francis gave, it seemed clear his observations were directed to all mothers. I found his comments relevant for fathers too.

Speaking as a father, I thought the pope viewed parental roles in noble terms. To be sure, he envisioned these roles in demanding terms.

Helping a Child Grow

Commitment, imagination, love, hard work and continued awareness of what actually in going on in a child’s life: I am sure that all this and more will be needed to achieve the parental goals outline by the new pope in his speech on mothers.

A mother is concerned “above all about the health of her children,” Pope Francis said. Thus, she cares for them “with great and tender love.”

As a mother, Mary “guards our health,” he commented. Asking what this means, the pope turned attention to “three things.” Mary, he said:

– Helps us “grow.”

– Helps us learn “to be free.”

– Helps us “to confront life” and the “obstacles” it presents.

Expanding on the first point, Pope Francis said that “a mother helps her children grow up and wants them to grow strong.” She does not want children to pursue a frivolous life or to become lazy, sinking “into a comfortable lifestyle” in which they content themselves “with possessions.”

A mother thus takes care that her children grow “capable of accepting responsibilities, of engaging in life, of striving for great ideals,” Pope Francis said.

Mary provides the same kind of care for us that she provided for Jesus in Nazareth, the pope continued. That means “she helps us to grow as human beings and in the faith, to be strong and never to fall into the temptation of being human beings and Christians in a superficial way, but to live responsibly, to strive ever higher.”

Discovering Freedom

Helping children discover the meaning of freedom entails helping them discover the value of commitments, according to Pope Francis. Thus, a mother in our times not only must help children understand what freedom is, but must help them see why it makes sense to choose to make definitive commitments in life.

Yet, Pope Francis stressed, people find it very difficult in these times to make “definitive decisions!” Why? Because “temporary things seduce us. We are victims of a trend that pushes us to the provisional.”

Commitments “that take up and concern our entire life” should not be feared, however. For commitments lead to a fruitful life, the pope insisted. Freedom means having “the courage to make” decisions linked to commitments “with generosity.”

A good mother, Pope Francis said, helps children “to make important decisions with freedom.” Though this “is not easy,” he said that “a mother knows how to do it.”

Pope Francis asked not only what freedom means, but what it does not mean. He said freedom does not mean “doing whatever you want, allowing yourself to be dominated by the passions, to pass from one experience to another without discernment, to follow the fashions of the day; freedom does not mean, so to speak, throwing everything that you don’t like out the window.”

Instead, he said, “freedom is given to us so that we know how to make good decisions in life!”

As a mother, Mary “teaches us to be, like her, capable of making definitive decisions; definitive choices,” Pope Francis said.

While I empathize with many of the desires of the author (desires rooted in a longing for happiness and fulfillment), my experience of reading the article was that it left me with a great sense of sadness. The author’s mindset clearly viewed children as objects, which could be collected to serve one’s desires. Rather than accepting children as the natural fruit of loving relationships blossoming in their proper season according to God’s plan, they could now be produced and harvested according to our own plan.

The ultimate question of the article was, “Who will I trust to ensure my happiness?” and the author’s response was that she was going to take matters into her own hands.

Sara: As a woman, I think I related to the woman more than Justin did! While in college, I had the perfect plan worked out for my life. I’d meet and date the man I would marry. We’d get married right after graduation, and then establish our careers before we had children. However, God had different plans, and I graduated college without the coveted engagement ring.

Justin: Getting pregnant was a shock to both of us. We entered marriage open to children, but I know that I had many plans. Many thoughts ran through my mind. Just a few more months with a second income could really help us financially. How were we going to pay the medical bills? Was I going to be a good father? It suddenly all seemed beyond my control. Inherent in these thoughts was that same question, “Will we be happy or will the sacrifice be too great?”

Sara: Over the nine months we’ve had Gus, God has really shown me in a million different ways that I am not in control. Just as I didn’t control when we conceived our first child I can’t control his behavior! While I can feed Gus before Mass in hopes of him behaving better during Mass, I can’t control whether or not Gus has a temper tantrum, when Gus gets sick, or if he eats his vegetables at dinner. However, I am happier than I ever imagined I could be during my college daydreams.

Justin: Recently I have been reading “The Real Story” by Curtis Martin and Edward Sri. The book examines the grand narrative of scripture beginning with Adam and Eve through the new covenant of Christ.

If we look closely, each Old Testament story asks this same question, “Who will I trust to ensure my happiness?” Some of the characters get it wrong and some of them get it right. For instance, Abraham is called from his homeland to follow God, who makes three promises. God promises to make him a great nation, give him a great name, and bless all the nations through him. These promises, however, are not immediately fulfilled. In fact, years pass before Abraham has a son and when he does God asks Abraham to sacrifice him (but stops Abraham before he goes through with it) in order to test Abraham.

Contrast this with the story of Abraham’s grandson, Jacob (later called Israel). Jacob had inherited the blessings of Abraham, but all through his life he schemes to get ahead by making these blessings come to him rather than waiting on God. And while Jacob would indeed found the nation of Israel, his story is full of pain caused by the deceit of those who surround him and it ends as he moves his family to Egypt where they would eventually be enslaved.

Sara: And it’s so easy for us to “plan” how we can get ahead! In the world of Facebook, it’s so easy to see all the great times our friends are having as they post about their perfect child, great job, or fun vacations. However, ultimately, we have to remember each of us are blessed and entrusted with different crosses as we seek holiness.

Justin: Each of our lives is filled with this question, “Who will ensure my happiness?” It is difficult to give up control. I am often like Jacob whose name God changed to Israel (which literally means “he who wrestles with God”). However, ultimately, we are not self-sufficient. We don’t always know what is best and our desire for control often leads to heartache.

For most of our anniversaries we made a point of marking the day with a special meal out, just the two of us. Most years it was a nice dinner, but in recent years, because of children’s events or travel, we’ve sometimes adjusted, carving out a special breakfast.

On our tenth anniversary we wanted to do something extra special to mark the milestone. In the years leading up to it, we had always thought we might make a dream trip to Hawaii for our tenth. When it actually came around, we had just added Lucy to our family and decided it prudent to stay much closer to home. (That AND we hadn’t saved any money for the trip).

So we re-created a portion of our original honeymoon on the Oregon coast at Haceta Head Lighthouse, a bed and breakfast. The location is truly beautiful, the weather was unparalleled, and the breakfast delicious. But one of most important elements of that anniversary trip was the intentional reflection we carved out to focus on our relationship.

To help us, we actually enlisted a number of seminary and lay ministry classmates. We invited them, as highly trained professional ministers, to compose some reflection questions for our trip. The hope was to have some “prompts” to give us a little content for our conversation on the drive down or walking along the beach.

Sure enough, the questions they gave us were thoughtful and just the right entrée into some deeper conversation. In fact, I appreciated them so much, I kept them on a file for the last several years.

This year a married graduate student I work with mentioned that he was preparing a day retreat for him and his wife for their first anniversary. He said they already planned to spend some time writing “introductions” for one another along the lines of what Joshua and I did to introduce one another on this blog a couple years ago. Remembering how enjoyable it was to write about Joshua and then read what he wrote about me, I thought that was a great idea for a wedding anniversary exercise!

Then he asked if we had any other resources for reflection and I immediately thought of my friends’ questions, which I shared readily.

I was remembering that exchange this morning as I pulled the questions file in preparation for our upcoming anniversary trip. (Wine country! No, not Sonoma. Northern Michigan) I thought how useful they could be to any number of married folks who might want to spend time intentionally reflecting on their relationship.

So, with gratitude for the support of friends, I share some of their questions for your use:

• What have been the most life-giving aspects of being married?

• What has encouraged your growth in discipleship?

• How has marriage transformed your relationship with God? Others?

• In what ways have you known the cross? What has given you hope?

• How have your children brought about transformation of heart or conversion in you? How have they made you laugh?

• Look at one another, what do you most appreciate and celebrate in the person before you?

• How have you become truly one?

• What has become routine – in good and perhaps in unfortunate ways? What has been lost? What has been gained?

• In your life together, what do you most cherish? What makes you feel most warm and intimate?

• What new adventures and call are you experiencing?

• What has marriage taught you? What has your spouse taught you? What have your children and your life taught you?

• Best joke you’ve heard come out of your spouse’s mouth…

Finally, a prayer from the Blessing at the End of the Nuptial Mass:

God the Eternal Father keep you in love with each other, so that the peace of Christ may stay with you and be always in your home. Amen.

May your children bless you, your friends console you and all people live in peace with you. Amen.

May you always bear witness to the love of God in this world so that the afflicted and the needy will find in you generous friends, and welcome you into the joys of heaven. Amen.

And may almighty God bless you, + the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Still in shock the following morning, I walked into work as white as a ghost. After telling my co-workers, they laughed and said, “Oh honey! We’ve known that for months.”

Before I became a mom I knew babies were cute but I never wanted to hold them or get too close. I thought puppies and kittens were far more endearing. All that changed the minute I laid eyes on our first child. With this tiny miracle in my arms, I had discovered the definition of love.

Surprisingly, I was pretty good at the baby/toddler stages. All day long, I’d scoop them up in my arms and cover them with kisses. I could basically solve any issue with a cookie and a book. But as the years progressed, kisses, cookies and books were no longer effective problem solvers.

Our four children were boys with similar interests but individually, they were uniquely wired. Just when I thought I had the “Mom Game” figured out, the rules seem to change and I was back to reading the directions.

I have to hand it to our sons; they were relentless when they wanted something. One afternoon I was having an argument with one of them. We were standing in the kitchen and although I am unable to remember the contentious issue, I vividly recall that for every legitimate, rational answer I had, he had a legitimate, rational response. We were getting nowhere. Suddenly, in the midst of the yelling, I had a light bulb moment.

I quietly said, “You think I know what I am doing.” He looked at me as if I had three heads and said, “Well, you act like you know what you are doing!” “Exactly, I said. I am acting. I do not know what I am doing.”

My honest admission altered our relationship. From that day on, I was able to share the undeniable fact with all our boys that although I did not have a “Bonanno Mothering Handbook” to follow, I was giving it my very best shot. To foster a bit of empathy, I always added, “Believe it or not, someday you will find yourself in the same spot.”

Years ago I was playing in the yard with our boys and feeling a bit discouraged. Watching us from her window, my elderly neighbor came out, walked gingerly across the grass, leaned over the fence and said, “I wish I had enjoyed my children the way you do.” Encouragement is a beautiful thing. It’s what moms do best.

Whether we’re mothering our own children or the child of a family member or friend, once God plants the seed of a child’s love in our hearts, we will forever nurture, comfort and hold them in prayer.

And as all mothers know, we will also be periodically confounded and eagerly searching for those ever evasive mothering handbooks and directions.

Rita’s story begins with her birth in 1381 to a pious Italian couple. Rita, an only child, wished to enter the convent but her parents insisted that she marry. They chose a man named Paolo Mancini who, although rich, was known for his violent temper. The marriage went well at first and the couple had two sons. Gradually, however, Paolo’s rages and abusive behavior resurfaced, with Rita as the victim. Moreover, Paolo became involved in political activities that made him many enemies.

Rita persisted in prayer and good example. Finally, recognizing how much pain he had caused Rita, Paolo begged her forgiveness, which she gave. Unfortunately, the couple’s reconciliation was short-lived as Paolo was murdered in a blood feud.

Rita forgave her husband’s murderers, but her sons vowed revenge. Before they could act, however, both were killed by dysentery that swept through the village. Rita was both a widow and childless.

Rita was able to reconcile her family with her husband’s murderers. With the conflict resolved she entered the convent at age 36, where she lived a life of prayer and penance until her death in 1457.

St. Rita was canonized in 1900. Her feast day is celebrated on May 22. In many countries St. Rita is the patron saint of abused wives and grieving mothers.

For reflection

All marriages go through rough patches. Patience, persistence and spiritual resources such as prayer and the sacraments can help couples to survive marital storms. Domestic abuse, however, is another matter. No woman is expected to stay in a marriage where her life, or the lives of her children, is in danger. See more information on domestic abuse.