My Lenten Insight, available at: ForYourMarriage.org


Happily Even After

My Lenten Insight


April 15, 2010

I know that for the most part people get pretty focused on “making it a good Lent.”  We “give something up” or “lay something down and take something up” or focus on prayer, fasting and almsgiving.  I feel like it’s not uncommon to give it a really good strong start and maybe not always finish the Lenten fast as well as we might have liked.  The thing is, I went INTO this Lent mindful of that and all focused that this was not going to be the case for me. 

Famous last words, right?  Seriously.  In retrospect I came to a really helpful realization about family life and prayer, though. 

I started out pretty strong.  Not as strong as I would have liked on the discernment end of deciding what I was going to “do.”  I ended up giving up chocolate (so hard) and making a point of having one-on-one time with each of our three children each day.  As the days and weeks got started I was doing pretty well.  On the chocolate front I was SOLID for three good weeks.  And while I wasn’t getting time alone with each of the children every day, I quickly realized that some good time with one of them each day, and in good rotation, was really pretty good.  I was happy with that.

Then we took a family trip.  Spring Break came and we were out of town “feasting” over a wedding weekend.  I really don’t know what kind of switch got thrown in my head but after returning I had nothing in the way of conviction for my fast.  Very strange for me.  I am really not used to my will deserting me so entirely.

Joshua and our co-workers in Campus Ministry, being very well-trained lay and clergy, were quick to point out that falling short on my fast only highlights my need for God.  And isn’t that the point of Lent anyway: acknowledging where and when we fall short and relying on God’s grace?  I’m thinking, “Yes, that is the point – and nice theology at that – but I am a failure over here!” 

So, I was NOT in a good place going into Holy Week and REALLY feeling it: just generally down and regretting my short-comings but feeling helpless about the lost time etc…Then on Wednesday I went to confession.  Talk about relying on God’s grace – SO helpful!   My confessor gently asked one or two clarifying questions that really helped me come to this realization about prayer and family life:

With a busy work and home life, I rely VERY heavily on the liturgical calendar to set a rhythm to my personal prayer.  So when I let Lent “get away from me” I felt it very acutely because, for me, it was a lost opportunity.  An opportunity I couldn’t get back.  Life, very busy family life, was going to keep going and Easter was going to happen whether or not  I had my spiritual life “right” or not.

Isn’t it true how little time we have to really focus our prayer and spiritual lives raising young children and balancing dual work schedules?  I’ve come away from this experience with a renewed gratitude for our liturgical life in the Catholic Church.  Hopefully I have also come away with a renewed focus as well.

Reader Comments (1)

  • When I was a young mother, I often wondered if I spent enough time in prayer, service etc. ..and remember lent; one year; turned into a Holy week of bread and water to make of for not keeping my Lenten “fast”. I have since learned from a very reliable source that each morning as you dress your children; your are clothing the naked: each time you fix those school Lunches you are feeding the hungry, each time you give your child the “last bite of that sweet treat, you are fasting. Wiping away child tears and hugging is comforting the mourning….Awesome to know that God looks at our lives differently than we do. God bless you! Keep up the great work, and have a Happy Mother’s Day!

    Patti

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The Book of Life

The Book of Life

Halloween had all the markings of a disaster in our town this year: snow was falling and the wind was gusting up to 45 mph.

Our family looked out the window and decided to throw in the towel. Oscar is getting too old for trick-or-treating, anyway, and Simon and Lucy are too temperate to risk pneumonia for some Tootsie Rolls and Sweet-n-Sours. We did want to mark the holiday with a fun family outing, so we decided to go to a movie, and allowed the kids to pick out their own theater candy. We saw the new animated feature, The Book of Life.

There are moments in family life when a plan goes terribly, terribly wrong—that happens often, and is good fodder for blog posts for us. But occasionally, there are also moments when everything clicks to produce a beautiful experience. Thanks to this film, our alternative Halloween was one of these beautiful experiences.

The story for the movie has to do with the Latino tradition of the Day of the Dead (el Día de los Muertos), which draws upon the feasts of All Saints and All Souls in the Church to celebrate the communion of saints. The plot line has characters entering the afterlife in pursuit of love, encountering deceased family members, and confronting evil. It was a funny, exciting, and beautiful film.

Most of all, though, it was a thoroughly Christian film, even though the only overtly religious figures—a priest and some nuns—served as only background characters. The characters moved through a Christian world in the presentation of death and the afterlife. Finding deceased loved ones in the “land of the remembered” was the ultimate fiesta, for example, and this communion of love beyond death colored everything—it freed the main character to live fully and authentically and fearlessly.

We all came out of the film uplifted, and the experience utterly recast the feast of All Hallow’s Eve for us. Halloween has its origin as the vigil for the great feast of All Saints (“all hallowed” refers to “all the holy ones”), so I was very grateful to avoid all the zombies and superheroes wandering the streets in search of free candy, and instead consider death through the lens of faith and love.

After the movie, we used the opportunity to call to mind those in our own family who are in the “land of the remembered.” We had the kids recall the grandparents they have known who have passed, and Stacey and I spoke about the grandparents who we remember, but who died before the kids could get to know them. We even recalled two special lives in our own family who were lost to miscarriage—it was a nice moment for the children to call to mind their siblings who are still a part of our family, even though we cannot see them with us now.

November is a good time to turn our minds to the end of things. The natural world is passing away before us in preparation for winter—trees are diminishing before our very eyes and even the daylight is dying slowly. Soon it will be time to recall the source of our hope and to prepare, through Advent, for his coming into our lives. But for now, we remember the faithful departed, and draw courage from our communion with them and the continuity of life beyond death.


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